Do Your Best For the Black Belt

Today at the cafe, I walked passed a table with several young children at it. I heard one of the girls tell her younger brother "in karate we do our best, otherwise we will never get the black belt." I wanted to stop and tell her to keep that attitude through the rest of her life.

I was feeling lonely today. The weather is overcast and cloudy, and it's been raining off and on, not normal for this area. It didn't help my mood. Then I kept running into people I know, and even if they just waved hello as they walked by, I realized I knew more people then I thought.

Honestly, I wasn't even intending to write a blog post. I was going to work on my outline for my NaNo novel this year, but then I realized the outline I already have started is in a notebook, at home, under my bed. I can't go home to get it until later tonight after I get off at Gymboree. I suppose I could just wing it, considering I'm just going to write the whole thing over again, but I actually don't remember the majority of what happens in this novel. Despite the fact that it's part of a series I've been working on for the majority of my writing life.

Speaking of my entire life, I turned 20 last week. That was weird. Not really, it doesn't feel any different then 19. It just feels weird that I'm 20 now, and all my friends are getting engaged, or married, or joining the military, or have kids. At what point did we all grow up, and why do I still feel like the child, left behind because her legs are to short to keep up? 

Oh.... Hi Guys

I think it's this time every year that I get this weird urge to blog, which is kind of funny because it means I could blog for months afterwards, or you won't hear from me again for another year... or three. Who knows. I had 10 comments waiting for moderation, they were all spam. Cool beans. I guess it's been awhile guys.

I think I've changed a lot since the last time I've posted on this blog. A lot of stuff has happened, good and bad.

I miss these kids like you wouldn't believe.

The biggest would have to be my trip Uganda. I think I might have mentioned that I was planning it before I stopped posting, or at least hoping to visit. Well, it happened. How was it? It changed my life, but not in the way that I thought it might.

For some reason before I left I had this big idea that I would go and meet a bunch of new people (which I did) and instantly become an awesome person, and know exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Haha, big surprise, that didn't happen. Aside from the fact that no one is perfect, even the road towards being so is long, not a quick 3 week whirlwind. Uganda did change me though. I went to step (or drastically leap) out of my comfort zone, and it gave me the courage to continually step outside of that comfort zone since I've been back. Job interviews stopped making me nervous. If I can fly half way across the world and live in a completely different culture for 3 weeks all by myself, then I can chat with the owner of a cafe and convince them that they want to hire me.

Apparently I did a pretty good job of it too. I'm working two jobs now. I'm bussing tables at a bakery and cafe. It can be fun. It can make me want to hit someone, but I'm happy there. The customers make me lose hope in humanity by their stupidity, then remind me to keep believing in them when they slip me a five-spot and tell me I gave them outstanding service.

I'm also a Sales Associate at Gymboree. A kids clothing store. I love this job even more. The kids crack me up, my co-workers are awesome, and I've realized it is possible to go clothes shopping without completely ripping a store apart looking for what you want. Really people, it may be my job to refold the stack of shirts, but I can assure you, I have other things to do.

I've lost some people, and I've made new friends. 

My brother is no longer living at home, and I've taken this change harder then I ever thought I would. I haven't exactly "lost" him, but he's not exactly there for me anymore. We haven't always been the best of friends, but I don't feel right not having him around the house when I get home. He made me maddest I've ever been in my life, but he could also make me laugh when nothing else could. His leaving was unexpected, and caused a lot of drama within the family. I'm still trying to forgive him for that, but I miss him more than anything.

I have Uganda to thank for the new friends. I learned to simply relax around people I didn't know, and to be myself. That strangers weren't going to kill me, and that I might actually enjoy hanging out with some of them. It made me realize life is better if you smile and wave to the people who pass you by every day. Your world is brightened, and you just might meet someone who makes a big difference in your life. (I actually haven't made a new friend by just waving at a random person, but it could still happen, right?)

So anyways, I guess I'm done rambling now. I may be back later, maybe not. Either way, glad I stopped in to say hey. Hope ya'll are learning as much as I have been.

'Nother Year, 'Nother NaNo

Just in case anyone was wondering, I'm behind in NaNoWriMo by 2,000 words. Am I worried about it? Not incredibly. In past years I thought I would die if I didn't reach the 50k by the 31st... this year it's important, but I think I'll survive if I should fail.

You know that outline I mentioned I had? Yeah, well, I completely decided not to use it and go with a novel I'd written the first year I did NaNo. Only, 1,000 words into that novel and I decided it needed a major overhaul.

So, I might have taken a complete fantasy novel and transformed it to a futuristickindofnormalbuthasrandomburstsoftechnologyyouweren'texpecting novel. No, that's not a technical term so don't quote me on it.

The point is, I've written a lot more this way then I think I ever would have if I'd decided to stick with the plots I had before. It's been awhile since I decided to write with no sort of anything planned, but amazingly enough pieces are coming together and I believe brilliance is in the making. (Just kidding, I'm not Charles Dickens)

Also, RainyMood is a gift from God.

K, bye.

(This post is brought to you by the girl who didn't get enough sleep last night due to the fact that she figured her alarm would go off at the wrong time and she would be late for work. Daylight Savings Time is dumb) (btw, I wasn't late) (part of me is glad about that because... well, I wasn't late, but the other part of me is kind of irritated because my alarm would have gone off and aroused me at the right time and I could have slept soundly) (Daylight Savings Time is dumb)

Vlog Time

Hey ya'll, hope you're doing fine. Things have been pretty insanely busy for me. I'm wrapping up a week of visiting with Sam and we figured we'd take a minute (or 12) to talk about one of our favorite things ever... NaNo!

Just in case you didn't get enough, we forgot to mention Beautiful People...

Explore. Dream. Discover.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. 

Mark Twain was a smart guy. I used to think this quote's only meaning was to drop everything and go travel the world. Maybe that was what he intended for those who heard the words, maybe he simply meant, live the life you have to the fullest. Explore, dream, and discover the life around you. Maybe he meant both.

Either way, I can't really drop everything at the moment, so I've been discovering things at home.

1. Les Miserables is a beautiful book. Victor Hugo is a bit long winded, but it's worth it. 

   2. Expectations can be good, but sometimes they get to high. Then it stings when they fall down again. 

3. Nobody is perfect. Even when you thought they were. 

   4. Books take up a lot of space, the more books you get, the more space you need. (maybe that one was obvious for some peoples) 

5. Forgiveness is good. To give and to receive. 

   6. I'm a bit fonder of Fall then I thought I was. (despite the fact that it means no more summer) 

7. November comes very quickly every year. (NaNoWriMo anyone?) 

   8. Sometimes it's worth fighting for. Sometimes you've just gotta shrug and say "okay." 

9. Marshmallows sooth a sore throat. Happy day. 

10. Change happens. Welcome it with a smile. It makes life easier in the long run. 

What About Now?

I don't remember the last time someone asked me what I was going to do with my life. Aside from myself of course, because if it came down to that, the answer every time would be, five minutes ago.

You remember when we graduated highschool and it was the only thing anyone could talk to you about? What comes next? What amazing talents does this generation have to share with the world? We've given you our everything, now what will you give us?

A year and a half later, they've stopped asking. I guess they got tired of hearing the one answer I could consistently give. I really don't know. What a disappointment.

With another one of those awesome birthdays we all looked forward to from the ages of three to eighteen fast approaching, it's been on my mind a lot lately. What now? Actually, not as much that as, why haven't I done it yet?

The world has been sending me mixed messages. One minute I'm being told that I'm young, now is my chance to do the things I've always dreamed of doing. Now is the chance to see the places I've never thought I'd get the chance to see. "Why not?", is the only question they have for me, when I tell them I can't just leave. Oh, you know,

Family.

Friends.

A job.

People. Mostly people. I can't walk out on them.

"Yeah, that's what held me back too. Don't make the same mistake."

Minute number two has other things to say. Most of them directly contradicting with Minute One, yet explaining to me that Minute One is right. Now is my chance. Wait, what?

My chance for what exactly? I still haven't figured that out.

Have I mentioned Minute Two doesn't make a whole lot of sense?

I work at Safeway. I'm a courtesy clerk, which is a nice way of saying, I bag peoples grocery's, and push carts. My co-workers are awesome.

I've lost count of how many of them have told me to find another job. One of them reminds me rather frequently. "Find something you enjoy doing, because if you can go far here, you'll do even better while you're happy."

I was talking to a friend of mine awhile ago about all of this, and she smiled and said, "it's like a real live coming of age story."

Right, only, where's the climax? At what point do I get hit on the head and come to with the knowledge of everything I've always wanted, and how to achieve it? At one point does everything boil down to the one moment that changes it all?

I guess I know my problem. I've been listening to the world to much. Thinking they're the ones I'm meant to please. Forgetting Who really matters, cause in the end, He's the one I'll be spending eternity with... gosh, and I thought, "the rest of my life" sounded like a long time.

Life Doesn't Have a Mute Button

My one rule in blogging. Only do it when I want to, not when I feel I have to. Unfortunately, sometimes this results in extended periods of time where I type not a single word for you to read. Shame.

Actually, one of the very few reasons I'm back, writing this now, is because of my Sam. You've heard me mention her before. It's not that she's told me repeatedly that I should start blogging again *cough, cough* (she has), it's more the posts I've seen on her own blog recently. Please, go read them. They've inspired me, maybe they'll provide you with the same favor.

Today was one of those days where I just wanted to turn and tell whoever was talking to me to shut up. I wish I could say I would have said it in a nicer way, but truth is, if I'd actually done it, that's exactly how I would have said it. Shut up.

Question. Does adding please to the phrase "shut up" make it any less rude? I feel not.

The weird thing about days like this, for me, is that I'm really not in a bad mood. On the contrary, I could easily describe today as a good day, yet I still just wanted the world around me to be silent. No, not silent, I just wanted the words to stop flowing. From everywhere.

I guess maybe sometimes I overwhelm myself with to many words. To many spoken, to many written, to many to read. They're everywhere, and on days like today, I just don't want them anymore because I can't think anymore. My brain is suffocating. Let me breath. 

I can't though.

You don't have the option of turning words off at work.

You don't have the option of turning words off at home.

You don't have the option of turnings words off with friends.

Turning words off is not an option.

So, on days like today, I bite my tongue, and I nod and smile at the appropriate moments. Well... maybe sometimes I don't always smile.

Today was good. Today I envied the deaf man.