What About Now?

I don't remember the last time someone asked me what I was going to do with my life. Aside from myself of course, because if it came down to that, the answer every time would be, five minutes ago.

You remember when we graduated highschool and it was the only thing anyone could talk to you about? What comes next? What amazing talents does this generation have to share with the world? We've given you our everything, now what will you give us?

A year and a half later, they've stopped asking. I guess they got tired of hearing the one answer I could consistently give. I really don't know. What a disappointment.

With another one of those awesome birthdays we all looked forward to from the ages of three to eighteen fast approaching, it's been on my mind a lot lately. What now? Actually, not as much that as, why haven't I done it yet?

The world has been sending me mixed messages. One minute I'm being told that I'm young, now is my chance to do the things I've always dreamed of doing. Now is the chance to see the places I've never thought I'd get the chance to see. "Why not?", is the only question they have for me, when I tell them I can't just leave. Oh, you know,

Family.

Friends.

A job.

People. Mostly people. I can't walk out on them.

"Yeah, that's what held me back too. Don't make the same mistake."

Minute number two has other things to say. Most of them directly contradicting with Minute One, yet explaining to me that Minute One is right. Now is my chance. Wait, what?

My chance for what exactly? I still haven't figured that out.

Have I mentioned Minute Two doesn't make a whole lot of sense?

I work at Safeway. I'm a courtesy clerk, which is a nice way of saying, I bag peoples grocery's, and push carts. My co-workers are awesome.

I've lost count of how many of them have told me to find another job. One of them reminds me rather frequently. "Find something you enjoy doing, because if you can go far here, you'll do even better while you're happy."

I was talking to a friend of mine awhile ago about all of this, and she smiled and said, "it's like a real live coming of age story."

Right, only, where's the climax? At what point do I get hit on the head and come to with the knowledge of everything I've always wanted, and how to achieve it? At one point does everything boil down to the one moment that changes it all?

I guess I know my problem. I've been listening to the world to much. Thinking they're the ones I'm meant to please. Forgetting Who really matters, cause in the end, He's the one I'll be spending eternity with... gosh, and I thought, "the rest of my life" sounded like a long time.

Life Doesn't Have a Mute Button

My one rule in blogging. Only do it when I want to, not when I feel I have to. Unfortunately, sometimes this results in extended periods of time where I type not a single word for you to read. Shame.

Actually, one of the very few reasons I'm back, writing this now, is because of my Sam. You've heard me mention her before. It's not that she's told me repeatedly that I should start blogging again *cough, cough* (she has), it's more the posts I've seen on her own blog recently. Please, go read them. They've inspired me, maybe they'll provide you with the same favor.

Today was one of those days where I just wanted to turn and tell whoever was talking to me to shut up. I wish I could say I would have said it in a nicer way, but truth is, if I'd actually done it, that's exactly how I would have said it. Shut up.

Question. Does adding please to the phrase "shut up" make it any less rude? I feel not.

The weird thing about days like this, for me, is that I'm really not in a bad mood. On the contrary, I could easily describe today as a good day, yet I still just wanted the world around me to be silent. No, not silent, I just wanted the words to stop flowing. From everywhere.

I guess maybe sometimes I overwhelm myself with to many words. To many spoken, to many written, to many to read. They're everywhere, and on days like today, I just don't want them anymore because I can't think anymore. My brain is suffocating. Let me breath. 

I can't though.

You don't have the option of turning words off at work.

You don't have the option of turning words off at home.

You don't have the option of turnings words off with friends.

Turning words off is not an option.

So, on days like today, I bite my tongue, and I nod and smile at the appropriate moments. Well... maybe sometimes I don't always smile.

Today was good. Today I envied the deaf man.

Beautiful People - Villain Edition

Annnnd, we're back, with Beautiful People. I know, I'm failing at getting posts on this blog. I apologize, but life gets in the way I suppose. Newish job, crazy schedule. I guess the whole blog thing has just taken a backseat for me.

Beautiful People shall not die however. At least for awhile yet. It might be continually late, but once again, Sam and I have scrambled about for 10 questions. 

If you're new to Beautiful People, it's pretty easy to jump right in. Each month Sky and I post 10 questions on our blogs. Pick one, or many of the characters in anything you happen to be writing, (novel, script, short story, comic book...) and answer the questions about that character. Post it on your blog, sign the linky. Fun stuff all around. Not to mention it really helps in getting to know your characters. Always a good thing. 

This month is Villain Edition. Thanks to Alexandra for suggesting the idea, and thanks to Fin for suggesting some of the questions. 

So, choose a villain, and... "here... we... go..." *said in the voice of one of my favorite villains ever, The Joker*

1. What is their motive?
2. What are they prepared to do to get what they want?
3. Are they evil to the core, or simply misunderstood?
4. What was their past like? What about their childhood? Was there one defining moment that made them embrace their evil ways?
5. Now that they're evil, have they turned their back on everyone, or is there still someone in their life that they care for? (Brother? Daughter? Love interest? Mother? Someone who is just as evil as they are?)
6. Do they like hugs?
7. Are they plagued by something? (Nightmares? Terrible thoughts?)
8. Who are they more similar to: Gollum or Maleficent?
9. If your villain could have their choice of transportation what would it be?
10. If you met your villain in the street, how afraid would you be? Are they evil enough to kill their creator? 

I encourage you let loose an evil cackle while answering these questions. Just because. 

Beautiful People - Karis

Yes, I'm finally getting around to answering this months questions for Beautiful People. Part of the reason it's taken me so long is because for the longest time I just didn't even feel like writing. It was bad, I was pretty much getting nothing done. Then yesterday morning happened.

Every week I get together with some writing friends of mine at a local coffee shop and we work on whatever writing projects we've got going on. While drinking coffee. Talking... observing all the strange people. I've been outlining for the novel I'll be using for Camp NaNo in June. It's great, only it had a ton of plot holes I couldn't bring myself to fill. Until yesterday morning. Talk about inspiration migraines. Anyway, since then I've been outlining a ton, which includes character analysis. Thus, this Beautiful People post is finally going to get done.

Now that I've explained that in full detail, I'll move on to the questions.

Karis is my hero's best friend, and later becomes his wife. She used to work for Prince Trinn, but she disobeyed him one day. He had all her beautiful hair chopped off and she was stoned out of town. Lovell, the hero, found her in the woods and he's the one that got her to leave the trees again. He showed her that anyone can be forgiven, no matter what they've done. She showed him that love is a real thing.

1. What is their favorite type of shoe? 
She doesn't wear shoes. She hates them. She had to wear them all the time while she was working for Prince Trinn and now that she's free of his command she avoids them as much as possible. She probably hasn't worn a shoe for several years.

2. Do they journal?
Nope.

3. What's their favorite animal? 
A dog. She loves dogs, and always manages to find time to scratch a strays belly.

4. What does their average day look like? 
When she's living in the woods it's pretty simple. She pretty much just goes with whatever happens to come her way. Living at home though, she spends a lot of time with her family, and doing chores for her Mother, or just playing games with her sisters.

5. Night owl, or morning person? (Optional: What time do they normally wake up, and go to bed?)
Night owl, she always seems to be more alive once the stars have come out, and she loves the moon. She'll generally stay up as late as she possibly can, even though she also gets up early. In other words, she doesn't sleep much.

6. Do they have a sweet tooth? 
She doesn't really have sweets. So, not really.

7. What colors are their bedroom? 
When she lives in the woods she sleeps in a cave. When she lives at home she sleeps in the same room as the rest of her family. No beds, they sleep on the floor. The walls are brown.

8. Can they cook? 
Yes, when she's actually got food to cook with.

9. What is their favorite household chore? 
Getting water. It means a walk, often times by herself. It gives her time to think.

10. Favorite kind of tea? 
She doesn't really drink tea. If she did she'd probably like something fruity, or maybe peppermint.

Beautiful People - April

Well, here it is. Finally. Beautiful People. Some of you may have already seen it over at Sam's blog. That's fine, but I figured it's about time I actually posted it here as well. Yes, it's late. Very late. I apologize. I could give you several reasons why, but you've heard it all before so I'll spare you the details. (Just so you don't feel completely left out, my script for Script Frenzy hasn't been finished either. My blog isn't the only thing that's been neglected) 

So, here's 10 questions for the month. If you're new to Beautiful People, it's not hard and you're welcome to jump in whenever you like. Simply choose a character to answer the following questions for. Post them on your blog, and come back here to join the linky. Fun stuff. Easy to do. Great for character analysis (which I've said before, and I'll say again, helps more then one can imagine when it comes to plot holes).

Thanks to Mime for suggesting the first question. The rest of them... well, let's just say it's been a long couple of weeks for Sam and I.

1. What is their favorite type of shoe?
2. Do they journal?
3. What's their favorite animal?
4. What does their average day look like?
5. Night owl, or morning person? (Optional: What time do they normally wake up, and go to bed?)
6. Do they have a sweet tooth?
7. What colors are their bedroom?
8. Can they cook?
9. What is their favorite household chore?
10. Favorite kind of tea?

"Where was I when the rockets came to life..."

Just when you feel like something inside of you has died...

A fuzzy puppy, and a breath of spring air comes your direction. Despite the distractions of life, you realize you are alive. Very much alive. 

A Post that is Really Just Me Rambling About my Trouble Child

As I just told a friend of mine, 99% of the time, when I've got writer's block, character analysis will help me figure it all out. Even if I didn't think it had anything to do with the characters ( < That isn't possible by the way, it always has to do with the characters). If I go back and do more character sketches, write short stories about the character, dig deeper into who they are, I discover something new that helps me figure out the road block in the plot.

I say 99% of the time because I know for sure it doesn't work all the time. Example.

You guys remember Heskith? You met him here, and here.

I can tell you a lot of about Heskith. He was born to a wealthy family and was raised to be the best body guard he could be. He has an older brother who turned evil and just to spite his father, he planted the seed to box in Heskith's mind. Why? Because the perfect body guard should keep himself in top condition, and staying up all night to beat people with his firsts acts as a distraction.
He loves Miany, the princess of the kingdom and the daughter of the man he spent years protecting, but doesn't really know how to tell her.
He's pretty wicked with a sword, can hold his own with knives, and generally tries to avoid bows.
He eventually becomes King, has two children, and tries everything in his power to avoid a major war that would bring his kingdom to ruin.

I could probably tell you even more about Dugan, Heskith's brother. Don't worry, I won't, if only because I don't really have the time, but I recently used him in a Beautiful People post.

The point is. I know these guys. I know their story. I know how they feel, how they move, what they like, what they eat, who they get along with, and even how they sleep at night. I've analyzed them into the ground, and yet I still can't seem to bring their story together. It's in my head, but putting that into words just hasn't worked out.

No, I'm not giving up. While having so much trouble writing this blasted novel is killing me, dropping the characters in the dirt would probably be the last twist of the knife. I don't think I could do it.

Maybe I just need to go back further. Maybe I'm not starting at the right point in the story. Maybe I need to start with the story that leads up to this story. Yes... maybe that's it...